


Lost and Found

by BirdOfHermes



Series: The Thirst Trials [32]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Banter, Canon Divergence - Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Cats, Cooking, Cooking Lessons, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fingerfucking, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Good Loki (Marvel), Heavy Petting, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Meet-Cute, POV First Person, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Romantic Fluff, Rough Sex, Seduction, Short & Sweet, Sweet Loki (Marvel), Sweet/Hot, Teasing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Loki (Marvel), Trickster Loki (Marvel), Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27515905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdOfHermes/pseuds/BirdOfHermes
Summary: In which the fucking God of Mischief returns your lost cat to you. Post Ragnarok, slight AU.
Relationships: Loki/Original Female Character, Loki/Reader
Series: The Thirst Trials [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1103739
Comments: 44
Kudos: 484





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bored and I miss my goddamn idiot trashlord. Let's have some fluffy fun.

The worst day of my life was somehow followed up by the best. Life’s funny that way.

The worst day of my life was the day my pest control service came to the house to do an interior spraying. It was normal. He came about every 90 days, but this time, it was a new guy, not my regular serviceman. He didn’t know about the note in my file that stated for him not to leave the front door open when he entered. Why? So the cat wouldn’t get out.

And my little black cat, Kuro, got out.

I’d returned home from work yesterday unaware, at first, that anything was wrong. The new pest control guy had put my key back under the mat as per usual. However, when Kuro didn’t immediately race over to meet me and demand his pets, I found it odd. I put my jacket and purse away, then walked around calling for him. I checked his usual napping spots, but he wasn’t there. I checked each room of the house, including the bathrooms and closet, and beneath my bed. No sign of Kuro.

I tried not to panic as I dialed up the pest control guy and asked him if he’d gone to his van at any point during the visit. He confirmed he’d left his phone and had walked out, not closing the door since it took less than a minute. My stomach dropped. It only took a second or two for a cat to slip out of a door. Kuro had left the house.

He was lost.

I spent the next several hours wandering the yard and the neighborhood calling for him, asking neighbors if they’d seen him. There was still no sign of him by ten o’clock that night, so I posted about him on social media and made lost cat posters, slapping them everywhere I could within a mile radius of my place. I didn’t sleep a wink. I just cried my eyes out and prayed for the phone to ring. Kuro had a collar and a pendant with my information on it. I wanted my furry idiot home so I could scream at him for hours and hold him in my arms again.

Then, the next morning, at around seven o’clock, the phone rang.

I answered immediately. “Hello?”

To my utter shock, a deep, velvety male voice with an accent spoke up. “I believe you are looking for a lost cat who answers to Kuro?”

I nearly shrieked with joy right into the phone. “Y-Yes, that’s me.”

“Good. I found him.”

I covered my mouth to mask the ecstatic sob that escaped. “Oh God, I’m so glad. Thank you so much. Is he alright?”

“Yes, he is in good health. Where would you like to meet me to retrieve him?”

“Um, it depends.” I told him what city I lived in. One thing I’d learned was not to advertise my place to perfect strangers, helpful or not. I was a single woman living alone, after all.

“It is no bother. I live within the city limits. Name a place.”

I gave him the address to my veterinarian’s office, since I’d like to take him inside so they could confirm Kuro hadn’t hurt himself during his little “vacation.” “Can you meet me now?”

The stranger let out a slight chuckle. “Yes, that is why I am phoning you. I should be there shortly.”

“Okay, thank you so much. Really. I can’t tell you how worried I was.”

“You need not tell me; it is quite apparent. Worry not. You’ll have him back presently. I shall see you there.” He hung up.

I threw on clothes, ran a brush through my hair, and drove to the vet’s office. I’d break the sound barrier if I drove any faster. There were Indy 500 drivers who weren’t this reckless. I couldn’t help it. I wanted my small moron cat back as soon as possible.

I pulled into the parking lot and jumped out, scanning the three cars already parked. No one in them. My hero hadn’t arrived yet. I paced back and forth, chewing on a nail nervously as I waited. But as I did, I realized something. The man’s voice had sounded vaguely familiar. I couldn’t put my finger on why. He didn’t seem like someone I’d met before. He’d sounded like someone I’d seen on television. Strange, as were his formal speech patterns and word choice. He reminded me of a Shakespearean character, honestly. If the guy wasn’t recording audiobooks for a living, he was crazy. He could make millions. His voice had been like spun gold and chocolate mixed together.

At long last, a black Jaguar F-Type SVR smoothly rode into the parking lot. Uh. Okay, then. My cat’s rescuer was fucking loaded, because that car costs close to $90,000. I wasn’t even sure I’d ever met someone who could afford a $90,000 car. It parked in the spot right across from me and the purring engine shut off.

The driver’s side door popped open. All I saw at first was a very long leg. My cat’s rescuer unfolded a 6’3’’ frame from within the gorgeous car and shut the door after gently scooping up my cat, who had been resting comfortably on the passenger’s seat. He tucked the cat into his side and then strolled towards me. He wore an all-black suit, which matched his sooty hair, which was roughly shoulder-length and smoothed away from his handsome face. He had bright blue eyes, beautifully sculpted cheekbones, and a gorgeously square jaw. His gait was smooth with perfect posture and his hands were slender and elegant.

That was when it hit me.

I knew that face.

It had been the same face I’d seen on the news several years ago, when New York had been under siege by actual aliens, if you can believe it.

It was Loki.

_The fucking God of Mischief found my cat._

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t help myself. There was a goddamn bonafide Norse demigod standing in front of me, cradling my stupid furry companion carefully under one arm. He took one look at my dumbstruck face and then grinned so widely it caused dimples in his cheeks.

“Ah,” he purred. “I was hoping for such a reaction.”

“Y-You…found my cat,” I stammered, blood rushing out of my face as I stared up at him in disbelief. “But you’re…you’re…”

“Yes,” he said sweetly. “Go on.”

“You’re Loki, the God of Mischief. You’re a fucking Avenger.”

He rolled his eyes. “Technically speaking, yes. However, I prefer not to be addressed in such a way. Loki of Asgard, if you don’t mind.”

I licked my lips. “Uh. Okay. Yes, your majesty.”

I paused long enough to pinch my forearm. It hurt. Yep, I was awake. Somehow.

Loki chuckled. “Alas, a Midgardian with proper manners. I thought I would never see this day.”

He held my cat up a little higher and scratched beneath his jaw. Kuro’s eyes shut and he purred loudly, not even seeming to care his owner was standing two feet away. Cats, I swear. “I must admit I am hesitant to return him to you. He is a fine companion.”

I blinked at that. “Oh. You two got along?”

“Famously,” Loki confirmed, moving to between Kuro’s brows. “But then again, I like cats. He is well-behaved. Very quiet, very affectionate.”

“Where did you find him?”

Loki snorted. “The little fool was attempting to cross the street when I spotted him during my jog through the park. I scooped him up and took him home to feed him and make sure he was unharmed. I did not find him until well after midnight, so I thought it prudent to allow you rest before contacting you that he had been found.”

I shook my head. “The park’s two miles out from my house. Kuro, you’re an asshole.”

Kuro yawned, unaffected by the accusation. I rolled my eyes. “I’m surprised he warmed up to you. He’s usually a grumpy old man who doesn’t like strangers.”

Loki smirked. “It’s a predator thing.”

I smothered a laugh behind one hand. “If you say so.”

He handed me the cat. Kuro climbed up my chest and rubbed his whiskers against each of my cheeks and purred more, kneading his paws in my shoulders. I held him and suppressed the urge to cry. I cleared my throat and addressed Loki again. “Thank you. Seriously. I owe you one.”

Loki’s lashes lowered over his eyes. His smirk widened. “Is that right?”

I blushed at the sly tone in his voice. “Uh. I mean. Within reason.”

Loki laughed. “Relax, girl. I’m not a cur. I wouldn’t demand that sort of thing from you. I shall make it easy for you. There is a beverage you Midgardians have so cleverly made called coffee. I wish for you to buy me one of these. Then I will consider your debt to me repaid.”

“Oh, okay, that’s no problem. If you’re not busy, I can drop this idiot off and meet you somewhere. Your choice.”

“Very well.” He checked his expensive watch. “Eight o’clock. The shop on the corner of Brookstone Street has a nice brew.”

“Got it. I’ll be there.”

Loki reached out and stroked the cat for a last time, smiling. “Until the next time, you miscreant.”

Kuro nipped at his fingers and he let out a warm laugh. Then he glanced at me. “Eight o’clock, girl. Do not be late.”

With that, the God of Mischief strolled back to his Jaguar and drove off the lot. I stared after him and then lifted my cat, glaring. “You sure can pick ‘em, dude.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to get coffee with the God of Mischief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll, apparently.

“What did you do this weekend?’ ‘Oh, nothing, just bought the God of Mischief a cup of coffee.’” My sarcasm had been a vast comfort to me my entire life. Still, I couldn’t fucking believe I’d just met a god and was about to go buy him coffee. I thought about calling my mother to scream about it in disbelief, but I had no proof, so she may just think I’d gone insane. Hell, anyone I told wouldn’t believe me unless he let me take a picture with him. In all fairness, I was considering it. It was unbelievable, after all.

It said a lot about the man that he wore a perfectly tailored suit at seven am, so I decided to clean myself up a bit since the man had just seen me in plain jeans and a t-shirt upon first meeting. Naturally, I couldn’t overdo it or he’d notice. I decided to meet him halfway—just a nice forest-green sweater dress, leggings, and boots, since it was fall and the weather permitted the outfit. I wore gold earrings and eye liner, but no other makeup. It was an effort, at least, but hopefully it wouldn’t seem ridiculous to him. I couldn’t help it; I was about to be in public with an immortal prince, for God’s sake.

I arrived at the coffee shop and parked, scurrying inside five minutes ‘til eight so I could snag a spot in line. I’d barely gotten through the door when I heard that velvet voice to my right.

“You’re early, little mortal. I like it.”

I tried not to jump out of my boots as I spun around to see Loki lurking at a table near the door. I pushed my hair behind one ear nervously. “Old habit. My parents taught me to always be a little early to a destination.”

“A wise policy indeed.” He paused and let his eyes rove over me. “I am flattered that this warranted a wardrobe change.”

I rolled my eyes. Figures he wouldn’t be subtle about it. “When in Rome.”

His brows lifted. “I beg your pardon?”

“Oh, shit, that’s right, you’re an alien,” I muttered. “Uh, it’s a saying. I saw you were dressed nicely, so I decided to dress nicer to fit in with you.”

“I see. The effort is greatly appreciated.” I blushed furiously. Loki smirked and gestured to the line. “Shall we?”

“Yes, of course.” I stepped into line and he fell in behind me. It didn’t take more than a minute or two before the fevered whispers started up. People turned and stared. Some tried to be more subtle, peeking up from their phones, laptops, or books. To my surprise, no one actually approached him as we inched up towards the counter. I wished I’d brought sunglasses, though. I was about to be on some tabloid article entitled, ‘Does Loki Have a Girlfriend?’

When we reached the counter, I found myself surprised yet again; Loki slid forward and smiled sweetly at the short black barista. “Good morning, darling.”

She burst into giggles. “Your majesty.”

He winked. “My usual. My friend here is paying.”

“No problem, honey.” She punched a few things into the register and then smiled at me next. “What can I get you?”

“Oh, just a medium coffee and a pumpkin cream cheese muffin, thanks.” I dug some bills out of my wallet and handed them over. She gave me change and a receipt, waving to Loki as we headed down towards the pickup counter. He greeted the other baristas as he went, all smiles and winks, working the room like he was a freaking GQ cover model. I certainly hadn’t expected as much; I thought a prince would be pompous, ignoring the working class, but he was just as polite and charming as anyone while we waited for our orders.

“Sooooo,” I said as we walked outside into the crisp morning air and sat at one of the outdoor tables. “What was that about?”

“Hmm?” he said, blowing gently before taking a sip of his coffee.

“I take it you’re a regular here?” I began eating my muffin.

“Yes, as of this month.”

I glanced inside the shop. A few people who had been trying to sneak photos on their phones scurried away. Oy. “No offense, but that’s not what I expected. I thought you’d be…I don’t know, dismissive.”

Loki tilted his head. “Why?”

“Well, it might also be because people often treat baristas like they’re twits,” I admitted. “Yelling at them or treating them like servants.”

“I see no benefit to such behavior. It is far smarter to be kind.” He took another sip. “That is how you get free coffee, after all.”

I gaped. “You mean you buttered them up so they give you your coffee for free?”

Loki lifted his brows. “If I have the ability, why not use it?”

I shook my head. “Wow. You could get them in trouble, you know.”

“Impossible. It was their manager’s idea.”

I laughed then. “Oh. Well, it’s still kind of a douche move, but hey, it saves you money and gets them free publicity.”

I gestured towards the giggling teenagers stealing looks at him through the window. “So that doesn’t bother you?”

“No,” he confirmed. “The only time it is cumbersome is if anyone refers to me as ‘Thor’s brother.’”

“Yeah, that would get old pretty quick. What did you order, anyway?”

“Espresso. Only thing potent enough to have any effect on me. This place is the best I have had in the area, so we made a deal; I exclusively get my coffee here, they get the occasional picture and the notoriety.”

“Not a bad deal.” I chewed my lip. “Can I ask why you wanted me to buy you a coffee if you could get it at any time for free?”

“Well, I was already due for an appearance,” he said. “And I had nowhere else to be right now, so I figured why not spend the morning with a pretty girl who has good taste in cats.”

I spat out my coffee.

Loki arched an eyebrow as he watched me all but hack up a lung. “W-What did you just call me?”

“Since when are you hard of hearing?” he said dryly.

“But you—I—” I wiped my mouth with a nearby napkin. “You can’t just throw that out there like that!”

“Modest, are we?” he mused. “Forgive me. I did not think you would take offense.”

“I’m not offended; I’m just…startled.”

“Why?”

“Men on this planet don’t give me a second look. I wasn’t expecting a literal Norse god to call me pretty. You have to warn a lady before you say things like that, Loki. Christ. I could’ve choked to death.”

Loki chuckled. “Pardon me. I was unaware my Silvertongue would be so effective.”

I scowled. “You lying ass.”

He laughed then. “True. I did think you would react in such a manner. It was even funnier than I pictured in my head.”

I slapped him in the arm. “Shut up. This is what I get for buying the Trickster god coffee.”

“Mm, yes, you were quite foolish,” he said, his eyes sparkling. “You fell right into my trap.”

I snorted. “What trap?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

A twenty-something girl with her chestnut hair in a bun that had been gawking from the street finally hopped the waist-high fence and came over to us, grinning ear-to-ear. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but is she your girlfriend?”

“No,” I said.

“Not yet,” Loki said.

My mouth dropped open the second time in two hours.

The girl giggled and ran back over to her group of friends excitedly. I glared at him. “ _Nice_ , Loki.”

“I said it in jest. Relax.”

“She doesn’t know you’re kidding,” I hissed.

“What is the matter?” he asked innocently, sipping his coffee. “You do not wish to be my girlfriend?”

I blushed even harder. “That’s beside the point. I don’t want her to tweet my picture everywhere until there’s a legion of fangirls who want me dead.”

He rolled his eyes. “Very well.”

Loki made a flicking gesture with his fingers in the group’s general direction. Instantly, their phones died. I facepalmed. “Not what I meant, but I guess I should have been more specific.”

“Yes, you should have,” he sniffed before taking another sip. “How long have you had Kuro?”

“Since he was a year old.”

“Mm. Did you find him or adopt him?”

“Adopted him from a shelter. It was sort of funny. There were lots of wonderful cats there, but then they told me about this cranky cat who didn’t even try to win the potential owners over.” I smiled fondly. “They said he just always kept to himself, didn’t even bother to stop napping when it was showtime. I walked over to his cage and he woke up. Walked over. Looked me up and down.”

I grinned. “And then he sneezed in my face and went back to sleep.”

Loki laughed. “Love at first sight.”

“Instantly. I pointed and said, ‘This is my idiot now.’”

He chuckled. “Yes, that is how it always happens. Attraction is unavoidable. It’s like gravity.”

“Well, judging by your popularity, that rings true. You certainly have your pick of men or women if you’re into dating human beings.”

“Predators have no need for easy prey. I prefer the elusive kind.”

I eyed him. “Uh-huh. And what do you consider ‘elusive’?”

“I like women who are hard to earn. I like to be presented with a challenge. I want my wits to be tested. Sex on Midgard is by no means hard to come by, but it is of little interest to me to engage my body if my mind is not just as engaged in a woman.”

“Does that sort of thing happen often?”

He smiled. “Sometimes.”

“Is that why you like these public appearances? You’re out hunting?”

“Occasionally. Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I find your Midgardian culture interesting. I missed many things in my previous visits to your planet as a younger man. I am beginning to see why Thor is so fond of it.”

“That’s quite a 180 from the last time you were here.”

He nodded. “I made mistakes. Grave ones. I no longer deny it, for it is foolhardy to do so.”

“Have you ever been attacked?”

He nodded again. I winced. “Figured as much. You’re a hard onion to peel, you know.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to tell when you mean something or when you’re pretending.” I cocked my head slightly as I looked at him. “But you meant that. I can tell. Just like you meant it when you said you almost didn’t give my cat back. Why did you?”

Loki sat back in his chair, studying me for a moment. “Because I knew someone would feel as alone as I have at times without him.”

My eyes widened. Wow. I hadn’t expected him to be that honest.

He then grinned. “And I also figured I could con them out of some sort of reward.”

I snorted again. “Now that sounds more like you.”

By now, we’d both mostly finished our coffee and I’d eaten my muffin. I threw our items in the trash and we walked onto the sidewalk. Loki checked his watch. “Do you have somewhere to be, little mortal?”

“Yes,” I said frankly. “But it’s not every day that I get to hang out with an immortal alien prince who was a former warlord. I’m not going to go home and watch Netflix when I can waste time picking your brain instead. You know. If you’re up for that sort of thing.”

Loki turned to me. With the sun at his back, shadows danced over his handsome features, playing over his lips as they stretched into a playful grin with so many promises hidden within it.

_“’Will you walk into my parlor?’ said the spider to the fly._

_Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy.  
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,  
And I have many pretty things to show when you are there.”_

A sensible girl would bid this man adieu and return to a normal, sane life.

Instead, I squared my shoulders and planted my feet, smiling right back at the demigod.

_“O no, no,” said the little fly, “to ask me is in vain,  
For who goes up your winding stair can ne’er come down again.”_

Loki let out another warm laugh and offered me his arm. I took it.

And off we went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem by Mary Howitt, by the way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of your day with the God of Mischief.

“Have you lost your _mind?!”_ my mother bellowed.

I pulled the phone away from my ear. “Ah. You saw the article, then.”

“What is the matter with you?!” she demanded. “Why you did spend the weekend cavorting around with a supervillain?”

“First of all,” I said, mildly annoyed. “There was no cavorting. We went to a museum and had lunch and then went to a ball game.”

She made a scoffing noise. “Oh, excuse me, that’s _so_ different.”

“Second of all,” I continued as I unscrewed the cap on my cranberry juice and poured a glass. “He’s…actually not as bad as I thought he’d be.”

“Not that bad?” she sputtered. “He tried to conquer the planet!”

“Yes, he did. Which is wrong, awful, and heinously unforgivable. And it was also quite some time ago. I’m not saying I forgive him nor that he has asked me to forgive him. All I can say is just from this very small sample size, he is…different from who he was back then. I know how insane it sounds, trust me.”

“I am one-thousand percent sure you don’t,” my mother insisted. “Your father’s loading his shotgun and asking where he lives, by the way, so maybe you should warn him.”

I choked on a laugh. “Yeah, sounds like Dad. Please remind him it took all of the Avengers to beat this guy. One regular man with a shotgun won’t do much good.”

There was a shifting noise and then I heard my father say, “Guess what? I don’t care.”

Then my mother returned to add, “He doesn’t care.”

I shook with laughter. “Mom, I mean it. I’m not dating him. It was just an opportunity that presented itself. Are you telling me you’d have said no to the chance to hang out with an immortal?”

“An immortal, no. That particular immortal, yes.” She sighed. “Where did I go wrong raising you?”

I groaned. “You’re such a drama queen. I told you; I’m not seeing him. So what if some tabloids made a big hoopla about it? None of what they said was true. It would be no different if I somehow got a date with Brad Pitt.”

“Can he introduce you to Brad Pitt? Because that I approve of.”

I almost laughed. “I’ll ask him.”

“How will you ask him anything if you only saw him that one time?” she asked.

I hesitated. “Uh.”

“Did you give him your number?”

“…no?”

_“Oh my God.”_

“What?” I protested. “Like you wouldn’t have!”

“That’s it. I’m sending you to a nunnery. Pack your bags.”

“Look, all kidding aside here, I don’t know why you’re so worried. I’m a grown woman. I can handle myself. For God’s sake, Mom, he rescued my cat. Can’t you give him just the tiniest bit of consideration?”

She grumbled under her breath before answering. “Well, I do love Kuro as much as you do. That was decent of him. Still didn’t mean you should be fraternizing with a supervillain.”

I heaved a sigh and rubbed my sinuses. “You done?”

“Not even close. You had better not fall for whatever game he’s trying to pull. I will personally come down there and scoop his eyes out of his skull with my melon baller.”

“Thank you, that’s very graphic.”

“I mean it. He’s dangerous. You ought to know better.”

“Dangerous and evil are two different things. A tiger can be dangerous. That doesn’t make it evil.”

“Human beings make choices. Tigers don’t. That’s what your father and I have an issue with. Trouble can’t be far behind him. You know that.”

“Yes, I know that. I’m glad you care so much about my safety, but there’s no need to worry. I’m fine. I promise.”

“You swear?”

“Yes, I swear.”

She sighed again. “Fine. Honey, put the shotgun away. She’s fine.”

I swallowed a laugh. “Alright, well, once I’m done being mad at you, then you can tell me all about it. But I’m going to need a day or two. I mean, sheesh, couldn’t it have been Thor or Captain America who found your cat?”

“Ain’t it always the way?”

“Yeah. Do not call him. Do not text him. Stay on the straight and narrow path, you hear me?”

I shook my head, glad she couldn’t see me rolling my eyes. “Will do. Kiss Dad for me.”

“I will. Love you, pumpkin.”

“Love you too, Mom.” I hung up and took my juice over to the nook in my kitchen. I sat on the stool in front of the nook and ate my dinner, idly flipping through the magazine article entitled, “Loki’s New Main Squeeze.” Must’ve been a slow news day. What a terrible headline.

In all fairness, at least I looked good on camera. Someone had apparently tipped off one of those Loki sighting websites and a paparazzi member with a professional grade camera had snapped shots of us. The article had only been out for a few days, which was why most of the people in my personal life didn’t know yet. It wasn’t as if they were into nerdy things the way I was anyway. Without my name attached, it didn’t mean much. Someone in my social circle would have to purposely tell them who I was in order for it to be a bigger issue.

Truthfully, Loki was…fun. I hadn’t expected to have such a good time. He was sly and sarcastic and overdramatic. He was eloquent and intelligent and witty. The ballgame in particular had been a lot of fun, as I’d gotten to try to explain the rules to him. He’d been baffled, but enjoyed the atmosphere all the same, though he wasn’t fond of the drunk idiots and the less-than-sanitary seating areas. I was sure if he ever went back that he’d buy expensive box seats.

But I also figured it was just a ‘ooh, new shiny thing’ moment. I wasn’t counting on him actually calling or texting me. Why would he? He could have any woman in the world. Hell, the galaxy. I could tell he saw me as somewhat of a puzzle, but beyond that, I didn’t think I had much to worry about. His attention would wander to the next shiny thing and this would be nothing more than a noteworthy anecdote in my life.

 _Vmmm,_ said my phone.

I checked it.

_Good evening, little mortal._

I nearly spat my chicken parmesan halfway across the room.

“Jesus,” I wheezed as I picked up the phone. “Were your ears burning or something?”

I texted back. _Good evening, your majesty. Am I to assume you’ve seen the article?_

_Yes. I am quite amused they mistook you for my lover. How presumptuous._

_Yeah, that’s the American media, alright. Maybe you should pick up a supermodel to distract them._

_Perhaps I should. Then again, I already have you, don’t I?_

I burst out laughing. _Sell that somewhere else, asshole._

_I am insulted that you think I was being insincere._

I rolled my eyes. _A thousand apologies, your highness._

_You are forgiven. Do not let it happen again. My mercy is in short supply._

_Clearly. By the way, why the hell do you know how texting works?_

_There is a young fellow on the Avengers team who is quite adept with technology. He taught me._

_Interesting. What else has he taught you?_

_I do not own a computer device, if that is what you are asking, but he has shown me some of its features. In fact, I only keep this phone at Stark’s insistence. I would disregard him, but it is also the fastest way to assimilate to Midgardian culture._

_Aww, you big nerd. You’re enjoying learning about us, aren’t you?_

_There is nothing wrong with that, is there?_

_Of course not. I’m just teasing._

_You should know better than to tease a god. There may be dire consequences._

_Yes, like him texting me and interrupting my dinner, apparently._

_A thousand apologies, my little mortal. What are you eating?_

_Chicken parmesan._

_I see. What is that?_

I took a picture and sent it to him. _It’s a pan-seared chicken breast covered in breadcrumbs, eaten with marinara sauce and fresh mozzarella cheese._

_Is it good?_

_One of my favorite dishes._

_Did you make it?_

_Yes._

There was a long pause before the next text came through _. Are you in the habit of making it for other people?_

I almost fell off my goddamn stool. Had he just…? I shook myself a bit and quickly thought of a response before he thought I was blowing him off. _I can, if someone asks me nicely._

_O most beautiful and valiant lass, will you make me this dish?_

I laughed heartily. _Yes. Asshole._

_I am in your debt._

An evil smile crept across my lips. It may or may not have been very Loki-like. _Is that right?_

_Just what are you implying? Have you some nefarious thoughts about how I can repay my debt to you?_

_I would never._

_Of course not. You are, after all, a good girl._

I clutched my chest. Dear God. I’d heard that in his voice. It…did things to me. Things that I probably needed to confess to a priest at some point. _Are you sure about that?_

_I am more than willing to find out. Finish your dinner, little mortal. Message me when you have prepared the dish for me and I will collect it from you post-haste. Good night._

_Good night, Loki._

* * *

I waited a whole day before I made the chicken parmesan for Loki. Because I have restraint like that.

Naturally, I couldn’t just invite him to my house. Good girls didn’t do that. Instead, we met at the coffee shop again. He hadn’t toned down the prince thing one bit; he wore a gorgeous navy suit, a black dress shirt, and a silver tie. Maybe he could teach me how to be such a snappy dresser someday. And maybe he could also loan me a million dollars to be able to dress like that.

We got our coffees and sat outside again. Loki cracked open the Tupperware and took a whiff. He sighed, closed his eyes, and sighed. “Marvelous.”

I chuckled. “Hope you like it. How much Midgardian food have you tried so far?”

“I have made it a point to try many of the offerings within a reasonable distance to my home. I find that I am enjoying Italian, Japanese, Ethiopian, and Indian the most.”

“Variety is the spice of life.”

“It is indeed.” He sipped his espresso. “How did your family react to the article?”

“Oh, the usual,” I said casually. “My father threatened to shoot you. My mother threatened to scoop your eyes out with a melon baller.”

“Fair threats, all things considered. What about your friends?”

“Oh, none of them know yet and I’m trying to keep it that way.”

He smirked. “Why? Ashamed of me?”

“No. Just trying to stall the teasing.”

“It’s all in good fun, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, fun for them,” I said, rolling my eyes. “But it gets old pretty quickly.”

“Fair enough. Thor thought it fun to tease me about it.”

I almost inhaled my coffee. _“Thor?”_

“Yes,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. “He delights in annoying me.”

“You talked to Thor about me?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, why?”

“Holy shit, Thor knows I exist. This is the best day ever.”

Loki scowled. “Where was this reaction when you met me?”

“Can you give him my number?”

He glared. I giggled. “Oh, stop it, sourpuss, that was a joke. Mostly. But that’s family for you. They love messing with us.”

“Indeed.” He stared at me over the rim of his cup, his eyes gleaming. “Tell me, how upset would they be if you and I were to visit the cinema on Brooklyn Street?”

I smiled slowly. “They’d be devastated.”

“Lovely. Say, this evening around nine o’clock?”

“Sounds good.” We finished our coffees. Once more, we walked to the sidewalk.

“Loki?”

“Yes?”

“What are you up to?”

He turned to me, a picture of innocence. “Me? Whatever makes you think I am up to something?”

I crossed my arms. “Call it women’s intuition.”

“It serves you well.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, grinning. “But the game is over if I tell you, so I am afraid I must preserve the mystery.”

Loki brandished the chicken parm. “Thank you for this delectable meal. I shall see you tonight. _Au revoir_ , little mortal.”

I shook my head as I watched him walk away. “ _Au revoir_ , Mr. Spider.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does friendship with the God of Mischief have in store for you?

**Three months later…**

My life never made much sense to begin with, but my post Loki life took the cake.

In all fairness, it wasn’t like we became best buds. But if you could call an immortal alien prince a friend, well, alright, he sort of was my friend. We hung out every couple of weeks, everything from eating breakfast, lunch, or brunch to visiting the aquarium. Every time, I swore it would be the last time, and every time, I had so much fun that I forgot all about my solemn promise to myself. Really, it wasn’t my fault. Loki was damned charming when he put his mind to it. More than that, we seemed to genuinely enjoy each other’s company, which was rare. I didn’t make friends all that easily, but it was effortless with Loki. The banter came to both of us naturally. He could make me laugh as much as he could make me think.

Which was how he finally convinced me to let him come over one night.

Don’t look at me like that.

He asked me to teach him to make chicken parmesan, alright? What was I supposed to do?

Don’t answer that.

“This is not a date,” I said as I pulled the fancy red wine out of the plastic supermarket bag.

“This is not a date,” I said as I dusted every single surface of the house.

“This is not a date,” I said as I switched the sheets on my bed to the finest set I owned.

“This is not a date,” I said to the cat as I wriggled into a pair of close-fitting jeans and a black scoop-neck t-shirt.

Kuro yawned and stretched, blinking his yellow-green eyes at me. “Mrrow.”

“It’s not,” I whined as I put on my silver earrings and necklace.

“Mrrrrp.”

“I swear it’s not,” I insisted, adjusting my push up bra. “It’s just a platonic dinner with a friend. One hundred percent platonic. Zero funny business.”

“Rrow.”

I glared. “So what if I shaved? What’s it to you? Why are you taking my mother’s side? I thought you liked this guy.”

Kuro showed me his butt and then settled down on the bed without another word. I sighed. “Jerk.”

_Ding-dong._

Ah, hell. There he was. The God of Mischief was on my doorstep.

I had truly lost my mind, hadn’t I?

I headed downstairs and took a deep breath before opening the front door. There he stood, holding a plastic container, handsomely attired in his stunning black suit, but with a white dress shirt this time. “Good evening, little mortal.”

“Good evening, your majesty.”

He stepped inside, brandishing the container. “Your tiramisu, as requested.”

“Yum. This way.” I led him to the kitchen and took his suit jacket, hanging it up in the hall closet. Loki did a lap around the first floor on his own before returning to the den, complimenting my place politely. Kuro hopped up on the back of the couch and Loki beamed down at him with utter fondness.

“Hello, you miscreant,” he cooed, scooping the cat up. Kuro purred and rubbed his whiskers against Loki’s cheekbones, butting his head beneath his chin. Loki chuckled and scratched his ears.

I shook my head. “Just admit it—the whole reason you’re even friends with me is because you wanted to see my cat again.”

“Alas, I must confess the truth,” Loki said. “I am only here for the cat. I am running away with him.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. Just don’t forget to buy tuna. He gets grumpy if you don’t let him have it once a month.”

Once the cat had been thoroughly petted, Loki put him down and walked into the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves and slipping off the tie. He washed his hands as I finished setting up our prep station for the food. He even tied his hair back into a ponytail before turning to me. “Where do we start?”

I lifted the mallet, keeping a straight face as I told him, “First, we beat our meat.”

Loki eyed me. I batted my lashes. He finally sighed. “You are insufferable, you know that?”

I grinned. “Yup. But no, really, we pound the chicken breasts flat. I figured you’d want to do that. Maybe work out some sexual frustrations or something.”

“Oh, you are hilarious,” he deadpanned, snatching it from me. I giggled to myself as I made sure the oven was pre-heated and brought out a pan, lining it with aluminum foil. Loki flattened the chicken breasts per my instructions and I brought him over to the prep station beside the stove. I showed him how to season them and then pointed to the containers.

“So it goes in the flour, then the egg, then the breadcrumbs, then the egg again, and then the breadcrumbs. Careful when you put it in the pan so the hot oil doesn’t pop up. Not that it matters, as I assume you are invulnerable.”

“I wear armor when I fight,” he said dryly. “I am not invulnerable. I am just very hard to kill.”

“Good to know. Hop to it while I work on the salad.”

I chopped the romaine lettuce and added it to the spring mix already in a large bowl. I cut up two kinds of tomatoes and then fresh carrots, finishing with croutons, kalamata olives, and feta cheese. By then, Loki had gotten all the chicken into the pan, where it browned nicely. The marinara had been simmering beside it, so once the chicken was done, we placed it in the pan and covered it in marinara, then the mozzarella. We’d been drinking wine as we worked, so I poured more after he popped it in the oven and clinked glasses with him.

“And that’s all she wrote,” I said. “Congratulations. You’ve just made chicken parm from scratch.”

“I owe it all to you,” he drawled. “Truly, a triumphant moment in my life.”

He drained his glass. “Where is the lavatory?”

“Around the corner to your right.”

“Thank you.” He disappeared. I cleaned up the dishes and loaded the dishwasher, then plopped down on the couch to wait.

Kuro wandered over a moment later, hopping up into my lap. I chuckled and rubbed his ears. “God, haven’t you had enough attention yet?”

He headbutted me in answer. I grinned and rubbed his ears while he purred. He hopped off my lap and flopped over, showing his tummy.

“For me?” I said with a dramatic gasp. “Gimme dat belly, boy!”

I rubbed his furry stomach and underneath his chin as he purred, making silly noises like any cat owner did when given the glorious (but dangerous) opportunity to pet a cat’s tummy.

And then something strange happened.

I heard a very annoyed “Mrrow” coming from _behind me._

I whirled around to look at the couch cushion. There sat Kuro, glaring at me in jealousy, his tail flipping back and forth.

“Wait. What the—”

When I turned around again, Loki lay across my couch, grinning his ass off.

My jaw dropped. “You. Absolute. Fucking. _Turd.”_

Loki burst into laughter. “I am sorry—I couldn’t resist.”

“You shapeshifting dick!” I screeched, blushing madly as I all but leapt on top of him and tried to hit him. He only let me get in a couple of licks before he caught my wrists in those big hands, still snickering at me. “That’s it, no dinner for you! You get nothing! Good day, sir!”

“Oh, come now, it was a harmless bit of fun and nothing more,” he mused. “Do not be a sore loser about it. And stop slapping me or I shall return the favor.”

I scowled. “You wouldn’t dare slap me.”

Loki gave me a rather sly look. “Not in the face, no.”

I sputtered for a second, blushing even harder. “That had better not mean what I think it means.”

“I have put a woman or two over my knee,” he purred, his lashes lowered over his glittering eyes. “I am not afraid to do the same to you, naughty mortal.”

I tried desperately not to picture that. I failed. “This is what happens when I give you wine. Won’t be doing that again anytime soon. Let go.”

“Oh, don’t be angry, I was only teasing,” he wheedled.

“Then apologize.”

“I am sorry.”

“Thank you.”

He grinned. “…that you are such a sore loser.”

I squirmed one arm loose and hit him in the arm. “Jerk.”

“Ah, ah,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “I warned you.”

I yelped as he lifted me as if I weighed nothing at all and plopped me on the couch on all fours, his hand poised as if he were going to, well, do as he’d threatened. I suppose he thought I was going to scurry free to safety, but…I didn’t.

The air suddenly got very quiet and very…tense.

His pupils were a bit dilated as he stared down at me. I’d bet mine were too. His voice came out a hoarse whisper. “I am not the sort of man that bluffs, you know.”

I flicked my hair over one shoulder and stared at him, unafraid. “And I’m not the sort of woman who backs down from a challenge.”

His eyelids fluttered for a second. He shuddered. “Do you understand what is going to happen here?”

“Yes,” came my trembling answer.

“And what will happen…after?”

“Yes, Loki.”

His hand flew. He slapped my ass on the right side, not too hard, but enough that I felt it. A guttural gasp left my dry throat, my fingers tightening on the cushions, my heart ramming against my ribs, my body keyed up with adrenaline.

“Fuck,” I heard him mutter seconds before he grabbed me, spun me around, and pinned me down on the couch.

The kiss was pure fire.

He held my arms down over my head as he kissed me hard, licking my lower lip, a heady growl escaping him as he tasted me for the first time. We’d both been playing our parts in this game, but we both knew where it led. Was it reckless, stupid, and foolhardy? Absolutely.

But it was still what we both wanted.

He kissed my cheek, my jaw, moving across my chin until he nuzzled my ear, his voice dripping with lust and sex and anticipation.

_“The spider turned him round about, and went into his den,  
For well he knew the silly fly would soon be back again:  
So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,  
And set his table ready to dine upon the fly.”_

I shivered and lifted my legs on either side of his hips, my slightly swollen lips moving on their own.

_“At last,  
Up jumped the cunning spider, and fiercely held her fast.  
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,  
Within his little parlor; but she ne’er came out again!”_

He smiled and kissed me again, pulling my wrists together and holding them in one spot as he pushed my shirt up over my stomach. His hand smoothed over my bare skin and then vanished into my jeans. I bit his lip, moaning as he palmed me through the panties, rubbing lightly until wetness coated the cotton and sliding up enough to gently tease my clit. He kept at it until I whimpered and then pushed his hand beneath my underwear, sliding two fingers inside me.

I gasped his name as pleasure shot right up the center of my body and wound its way around every nerve. I wriggled, trying to free myself, but he nipped my lip in warning. “Not yet. Be a good girl and take it.”

I shivered all over from his words, obeying out of need for more. Loki purred, pleased by my compliance. “Spread your legs for me, darling.”

I parted my thighs further and Loki’s fingers slid deeper, curling. I keened into his open mouth and shoved my hips up before I could help myself, wordlessly begging for more as even more pleasure drenched me from head to toe. He immediately obliged me, pumping those long, slender fingers inside me steadily, swallowing every whine and moan that left my lips.

“Mm, such a wet little quim,” he sighed wistfully. “How I’ve waited for this night. How I’ve waited to claim you for myself.”

“Asshole,” I murmured, to which he chuckled.

“I am the God of Lies, pet,” he whispered. “Do not pretend as if you have not wanted the same thing. You walked into my parlor with these lovely eyes wide open.”

“Yes, so you’d better make it worth my while, God of Mischief.”

“Oh, that sharp little tongue of yours,” he mused. “How I cannot wait to tame it.”

Loki shifted slightly and then sped up his pace. I writhed underneath him, crying out as a bolt of ecstasy crackled through my nerves. “Fuck! Loki!”

“Yes, good girl, take it,” he cooed in my ear. “Take my fingers deep, darling. Come around them. Come for me.”

I wanted to resist it, resist him, for no reason other than he was infuriating and smug, but the creeping fog of wondrous sensations consumed me body and soul. I couldn’t take it, not with him whispering in my ear with that velvet voice, not with that hard, lean body pinning me to the couch. I arched up to meet him, adding friction to his movements, frustrated and seeking everything he could offer me and more. I came quickly, messily, with no warning whatsoever; just a set of convulsions underneath him that made him moan hungrily as he watched me climax.

“There’s a good girl.” He slid his fingers free and surprised me by sliding off the couch to kneel in front of me, grinning wickedly as he undid the button to my jeans. I blushed as he pulled them off along with my panties and draped my legs over those broad shoulders. I wiggled until I could prop myself up on my forearms, flustered at the implication.

“W-What the hell are you doing?” I squeaked.

“Well, our dinner is not ready yet,” he lilted in a faux innocent tone. “So I think I shall have you instead.”

“Loki, what the fuck—” I didn’t get the rest of the sentence out, for he chose that moment to wrap one arm around my thigh and settle his hand over my clit just as his mouth claimed my wet cunt. I howled at the ceiling as his tongue slid into me and an unfathomable wave of nirvana rocked me to the core. My hands shot out and plunged into his dark hair as I shoved my hips forward unconsciously. He let out another one of those devastating purrs at my reaction and lightly rubbed the side of his thumb over my clit, sweetening the pleasure that much more as he withdrew his tongue. He licked me leisurely, tasting, teasing, edging me again and again. I could hear myself moaning and muttering nonsense, twisting in his grip as he pushed me to towards the climax yet again, then stopped short over and over. I was embarrassingly wet and my impatience took over after about the fourth time he nearly made me come, but didn’t.

“For fuck’s sake, Loki,” I snarled. “I’ll snap your blasted neck with my thighs if you keep that up.”

Loki’s shoulders shook with laughter as he let me go for a precious second, his eyes twinkling. “Patience is a virtue, darling.”

“Not in this fucking dojo.”

He chuckled. “Very well. As my lady commands.”

Loki lifted up on his knees enough to reach my clit. Oh, hell. I’d done it now. The noise that left me was subhuman, some kind of feral wolf noise as he sucked at it lovingly while pushing his fingers back inside me. I climaxed that very second, gasping and panting like I’d run a marathon as the heat racing through my veins seemed to melt me through and through. I collapsed back against the couch in a limp heap, the ceiling spinning, the world softened around the edges as I floated through my second orgasm.

_Beep-beep-beep!_

I let out a hoarse laugh. “Oh, good, the food’s done.”

Loki licked his soft lips clean and gave me another heart-stopping smile, lifting his brows. “Hungry, darling?”

I rolled my eyes as I sat up and grabbed his collar, jerking him closer. “Shut up and take me upstairs, demigod.”

I kissed him. He chuckled softly and picked me up as if I weighed nothing, wrapping my bare legs around his waist. He stopped by the kitchen enough to turn off the stove and then carried me upstairs. Luckily, Kuro had skittered away during the start of our debauchery, so we didn’t have a guest when Loki shut the door to my bedroom and dropped me onto the mattress. By now, neither of us had any chill left. All bets were off. I ripped his shirt open and undid his slacks, impatient to find out what lay beneath them. Loki pulled off my t-shirt and decorated my cleavage with messy kisses and little bites as I shoved his slacks to mid-thigh and cupped him through the boxer-briefs. My eyes rolled back in my head. God, he was hung. I’d been hoping he was.

I managed to get my fingers around his cock and he shuddered above me, growling into my mouth. “Naughty mortal. Don’t tease.”

“Why? That’s all you’ve ever done to me.” I squeezed him for good measure.

“How else was I going to drive you as crazy as you’ve driven me?” He caught my wandering hand and moved it aside, sliding his knees up to part my thighs for him. “Day and night, you’ve possessed me, girl. I can’t wait to fuck this pretty cunt until you scream for me.”

He caught my waist and held me down against the bed, kissing me ravenously just as he jerked his hips upward in a smooth motion with perfect aim. He slid into me finally.

And it was everything.

We both unleashed animalistic groans of satisfaction as Loki’s cock filled me to the brim, not stopping until he bottomed out. Tingling fizzled up my spine and spread out into my limbs. My toes curled. I gripped his shoulder blades and yanked him down against me. God, I wanted him to smother me beneath him. He felt so fucking good. Better than anything.

“Fuck,” he whispered. “You are perfect, my little mortal.”

He pulled out almost completely and I whined, digging my nails into his pale skin. He returned instantly, thrusting hard, the tip of his cock hitting my aching core, sending another wave of pleasure through my burning center. I looped my legs around his powerful thighs and held on for dear life as he sunk into rhythm on top of me. He fucked me hard, smoothly, like it was all he’d dreamt about doing for months, like he couldn’t get enough of me. I didn’t even try to be demure; I clawed at his back, mewling, moaning, pushing my hips down against his pelvis to drive him deeper, to help him find my spot.

“Yes,” he hissed, hammering into me at a maddening pace. “Yes, darling, that’s it. Take it. Take my cock. Mm, you’re going to come, aren’t you? You’re going to come for your god, right here, right now. I can feel it. I can feel your sweet little quim quivering around me. Do you want me to break you, darling?”

“Yes, yes, Loki, you rotten bastard,” I whispered feverishly. “Break me.”

He gripped my wrists and held them down, sliding closer, his strokes so hard and fast that I could hear the bed lurching under our writhing bodies. He groaned low in his throat and swiveled his hips on every thrust, impatience and lust intertwined in his tone. “Come, darling. Come for me. Be a good girl for me and come.”

I reached my climax with a wail of joy. “Loki!”

He shuddered and slowed up as he felt me come around him, savoring it. “Yes, sweetheart. Claim it. I’ve longed to give it to you.”

I soared through the orgasm on golden wings. Minutes dripped off the clock by the time I finally finished. And by then, I was possessed with a single notion.

I shoved upward with enough force to roll the God of Mischief over onto his back. He smirked up at me as I slid out of my push up bra and straddled him. “You didn’t think you were going to get off that easy, did you?”

He laughed. “I had hoped not, darling.”

I kissed him just before I got to work, rolling my hips to ensure his cock slid up into me at just the right angle. He gripped my waist tightly and growled against my lips, falling into rhythm immediately. He kissed down the side of my throat and scooted me higher, his hot mouth finding my breasts as I swayed above him. He cupped my ass and snapped his hips up each time I came down until we were in sync, fucking each other at a relentless pace. I dragged my nails down his torso and he purred, finding my lips again.

“Yes, pet,” he whispered roughly. “Take what’s yours.”

I shivered. “Are you mine, Loki?”

“Yours entirely,” he groaned, his eyes fluttering closed. He slid his fingers into my hair and kissed me harder, his thrusts urgent with need.

“God, Loki, come, for God’s sake, _come_ ,” I groaned back, my eyes rolling back in my head as I reached my peak. He let out a final growl of my name and came inside me, releasing everything without inhibition. He pumped into me for a lingering minute as if to ensure he’d given me every last drop, clutching me to him so that I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to.

I relaxed on top of him, limp as a spaghetti noodle, drunk as hell from his sex. I thought about scooting over in case he wasn’t a cuddler, but he had one long arm wound around me to keep me pressed to him, so I stayed. After we cooled off, he nuzzled my cheek to wake me, running his fingers lightly down my naked spine. I lifted my head enough to grin at him. He cocked an eyebrow upward. “What?”

“This is my idiot now,” I said with total confidence, poking him in the chest.

Loki paused and then broke into genuine laughter. “I suppose I am, aren’t I?”

He kissed me. “But I draw the line at wearing a collar.”

I kissed him back, smiling. “Whatever you say, pet.”

FIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote! I hope you enjoyed this literal fluffy romp. No plans for any more chapters, but if anything strikes me, I'll post a bonus chapter.


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